Holding on to the Past
by ChristieGordon
Summary: Yaoi, M/M Vampire Romance, Original Slash - With his one true love, Julian, at his side and a new son to look after, Sebastian's grief-stricken past comes out of hiding to find him. Can Sebastian find the courage to let go?
1. Chapter 1

Holding On to the Past

Yaoi, M/M Vampire Romance

© Christie Gordon

All Rights Reserved, eXtasy Books

ISBN: 978-1-55487-851-2

_Burb: _

With his one true love, Julian, at his side and a new son to look after, Sebastian's grief-stricken past comes out of hiding to find him. As Julian and Nikolai struggle to understand what vampire life should be and strive to live a normal life, Sebastian fights with his demons to allow the freedoms they deserve. But with the queen's band of chevaliers not quite under control and shadows lurking in the night, Sebastian's fears escalate. Can Sebastian find the courage to let go and at the same time give Julian and Nikolai the protection they desperately need?

_Available at_: eXtasy Books

_PG Excerpt 1:_

"Sebastian? Are you still there?" His father's voice rang out through the phone speaker.

Coming back to the present, he brought the phone to his ear again. Anger wrapped around his grief, keeping it in check. "Yes, I'm here. It was Caesar, wasn't it?" he spat.

"Yes. It seems they ambushed him in the Muir woods."

He let his head fall upon the cold glass of the window. "There was no one with him?"

"I am afraid not. They promised to negotiate giving Ramon to us if he came alone. I know how much he wanted to catch Caesar for you."

He pursed his lips. Emanuel's voice rang out inside his head. _Sebastian, we will find him. You have my word_. Guilt tore through his heart. If only he hadn't reacted so strongly to Emanuel's failure to find Caesar. "Ramon is, is alive?" His voice wavered.

"We don't know if that is true or if it's a lie."

"So his life was lost for nothing. And that bastard is responsible." Even as his anger lodged heavy in his chest, tears pooled once again in his eyes.

There's something else, fiu." His father's voice was low.

"What?" He couldn't take much more. What other damage had Caesar done?

"They tortured him before they killed him, sliced off almost all of his skin."

"Oh, God." A tear raced down Sebastian's cheek. Greif and remorse squeezed around his heart. _My dear, dear Emanuel. You died because of me_. He twisted his back around to the window and lay back on it. His gaze looked up at the dark ceiling. He blinked and another tear journeyed down his face.

"And he wrote a note on a piece of the skin they removed. It said, _Julian is a Judas. He and his lover must die. Nikolai is mine_." His father took a deep inhale. "It is as we thought. You must tell Julian of the danger you are all in."

"No, I cannot. He will seek Caesar out. He will put himself in danger." Frustration and fear balled up inside him.

"Sebastian, this is not a request. It is an order." His voice was firm.

"I cannot." His voice broke. What should he do? If he complied, Julian would surely try to find Caesar. Another tear raced down his cheek.

"Sebastian?" Julian stood in the open doorway to the office.

Fear prickled up his spine. "I have to go."

There's something else, fiu." His father's voice was low.

"What?" He couldn't take much more. What other damage had Caesar done?

"They tortured him before they killed him, sliced off almost all of his skin."

"Oh, God." A tear raced down Sebastian's cheek. Greif and remorse squeezed around his heart. My dear, dear Emanuel. You died because of me. He twisted his back around to the window and lay back on it. His gaze looked up at the dark ceiling. He blinked and another tear journeyed down his face.

"And he wrote a note on a piece of the skin they removed. It said, Julian is a Judas. He and his lover must die. Nikolai is mine." His father took a deep inhale. "It is as we thought. You must tell Julian of the danger you are all in."

"No, I cannot. He will seek Caesar out. He will put himself in danger." Frustration and fear balled up inside him.

"Sebastian, this is not a request. It is an order." His voice was firm.

"I cannot." His voice broke. What should he do? If he complied, Julian would surely try to find Caesar. Another tear raced down his cheek.

"Sebastian?" Julian stood in the open doorway to the office.

Fear prickled up his spine. "I have to go."

"There's something else, fiu." His father's voice was low.

"What?" He couldn't take much more. What other damage had Caesar done?

"They tortured him before they killed him, sliced off almost all of his skin."

"Oh, God." A tear raced down Sebastian's cheek. Greif and remorse squeezed around his heart. My dear, dear Emanuel. You died because of me. He twisted his back around to the window and lay back on it. His gaze looked up at the dark ceiling. He blinked and another tear journeyed down his face.

"And he wrote a note on a piece of the skin they removed. It said, Julian is a Judas. He and his lover must die. Nikolai is mine." His father took a deep inhale. "It is as we thought. You must tell Julian of the danger you are all in."

"No, I cannot. He will seek Caesar out. He will put himself in danger." Frustration and fear balled up inside him.

"Sebastian, this is not a request. It is an order." His voice was firm.

"I cannot." His voice broke. What should he do? If he complied, Julian would surely try to find Caesar. Another tear raced down his cheek.

"Sebastian?" Julian stood in the open doorway to the office.

Fear prickled up his spine. "I have to go."

"Sebast—"

With a click, he shut the phone off and dropped it into his front pocket. "How long have you been standing there?" He swiped at the wetness on his cheeks.

"Not long, I—" Julian walked closer to Sebastian. "What's going on? Why are you so upset again?"

He glanced at the floor and back up at his lover. What could he say? "I uh, my um… It seems a very close friend of mine has died. That was my father."

Anger lit up Julian's eyes. In a low voice, he said, "It was Caesar, wasn't it?"

"What? No, of course not." He turned away from Julian, looking out the window. "Why would you say something like that?" Biting his lip, he fought back his emotions, attempting to mask the deceit.

"Why wouldn't I? I know something's going on, Sebastian. I know you're keeping things from me. I can feel it." Snatching Sebastian's shoulder, Julian jerked him back around. "Look at me, Sebastian. Look at me and tell me what's going on."


	2. Chapter 2

Holding On to the Past

Yaoi, M/M Vampire Romance

© Christie Gordon

All Rights Reserved, eXtasy Books

ISBN: 978-1-55487-851-2

_Burb: _

With his one true love, Julian, at his side and a new son to look after, Sebastian's grief-stricken past comes out of hiding to find him. As Julian and Nikolai struggle to understand what vampire life should be and strive to live a normal life, Sebastian fights with his demons to allow the freedoms they deserve. But with the queen's band of chevaliers not quite under control and shadows lurking in the night, Sebastian's fears escalate. Can Sebastian find the courage to let go and at the same time give Julian and Nikolai the protection they desperately need?

_Available at_: eXtasy Books

_PG Excerpt 2:_

Sebastian's shoulder shook.

"Sebastian?"

He opened his eyes. The dark bedroom appeared before him. A warm hand shook his shoulder once again.

"I'm sorry, Sebastian, so sorry." Julian's voice was heavy with emotion.

Twisting to his back on his bed, he looked up at Julian, kneeling beside him. He lurched up and tugged Julian down to his chest. "My angel, you are safe." Relief rained down on him. He kissed Julian's hair, cheeks and forehead. "Thank God, you are safe."

Julian sniffled and held tight to Sebastian. "I shouldn't have run away from you. That was stupid."

"It was, but you are here now." He released Julian. "Where did you go?"

Julian raised his head and looked down upon Sebastian. A sheepish smile curled one side of his lips. "I just went for a walk in the woods, that's all. I just needed to think and cool off a bit."

He nodded. "I see…"

Julian let out a long exhale. "Anyway, enough about my stupidity. How are you after getting the news about your friend?" His gaze searched Sebastian's face.

He let out a long sigh. "I'm as good as can be expected. It was very sudden and I suppose it doesn't seem real yet."

Julian's fingers toyed with the bedding next to Sebastian's head. "You seemed to be having one hell of a dream when I came in here."

He bit his lip. "Yes, I was."

"What was it about?"

He looked passed Julian for a second. "My sister's death."

"And?"

"And well, she was killed by the Huns right in front of me. Seems I was never any good at protecting the ones I love." His voice broke.

Caressing Sebastian's cheek, Julian said, "That's not true. You saved me from Nona. And now Caesar is no longer a threat."

A shock of guilt tore through Sebastian's body and he turned his head away.


	3. Chapter 3

Holding On to the Past

Yaoi, M/M Vampire Romance

© Christie Gordon

All Rights Reserved, eXtasy Books

ISBN: 978-1-55487-851-2

_Burb: _

With his one true love, Julian, at his side and a new son to look after, Sebastian's grief-stricken past comes out of hiding to find him. As Julian and Nikolai struggle to understand what vampire life should be and strive to live a normal life, Sebastian fights with his demons to allow the freedoms they deserve. But with the queen's band of chevaliers not quite under control and shadows lurking in the night, Sebastian's fears escalate. Can Sebastian find the courage to let go and at the same time give Julian and Nikolai the protection they desperately need?

_Available at_: eXtasy Books

_Adult Excerpt:_

Sebastian walked through the door to the master bedroom of his home in the wee morning hours. In the shuttered dark, he could barely make out the large sleigh bed centering the room, the masculine lines of the nightstands and dresser and the body-shaped lump in the bedding. He whispered, "My angel."

After he came to stand beside the bed, he removed his clothing and climbed in behind Julian under the covers. As he shimmied up to Julian's back, his body filled with desire. His arm wrapped around his lover's body and drew it close. Placing gentle kisses along the back of Julian's neck, his cock hardened. He rocked his hips forward to press his erection to Julian's buttocks.

"Mmm…" Julian's body reacted to Sebastian's touch, moving in time with the kisses and tender caresses down his arm and side.

Sebastian rocked his hips into Julian's buttocks again, letting his cock slide over the soft flesh. Little pulses of pleasure swept over his body. His fingers trailed along the muscled lines of Julian's body and forward, down into velvet curls to find a hard cock. "I see you have need of me as well, my angel."

Julian thrust his hips as Sebastian's fingers wound around his erection. A soft moan escaped his lips. "Sebastian…" His breath quickened

Baring his fangs, Sebastian scratched them over Julian's neck, pumping Julian's cock in his fingers. Pre-seed formed at the tip of his erection. The head slid easily over Julian's skin, sending heightened pleasure humming through him. His hips rocked harder, seeking more friction.

Julian's head tilted back, seeking out Sebastian. His body writhed and twisted, conforming to Sebastian's body. "Oh, God, Sebastian, I need you."

"Do you hunger for me?" He nipped at Julian's neck, drawing only pinpricks of blood. His tongue lapped at them. Julian's blood pulsed down his spine.

Julian let out a long groan. "Yes." His hips rocked quicker, urging Sebastian's hand faster.

As Sebastian's cock ached for more, the hunger grew unbearable. He bit into the soft flesh of Julian's neck.

Julian cried out and thrust again and again into Sebastian's fingers. "Please, let me feed."


End file.
